With the parts in hand, it was time for me to write this love letter to the integrated circuit. I began by moving the included fan from the front of the case to the side so that A- its blue light would show up better and B- it would be closer to everything that actually generates heat (except the hard drives, but screw those guys).

Side fan

No, I did not let a girl attach it for me. What do you mean, “Those look like Ari’s hands?”

Case

There, all done. Oh wait, I forgot to put all the computer in it.

Next came the motherboard, or as no one but me calls it, the Nexus of Power. Actually, even I don’t call it that, except I just did. Drat.

Bare motherboard

I liked the color scheme on this motherboard. Red, white, and ‘Murica.

Northbridge heatsink

Northbridge heatsink with enough aluminum to make a few 12-packs of Mt. Dew cans.

Southbridge heatsink

The southbridge never gets as much attention, or as cool of a heatsink, but hey, be thankful. Some southbridges don’t get heatsinks at all. Now eat your peas.

Random heatsink

I don’t know what this is a heatsink for, but it’s the coolest. It’s between the processor and the ports on the back, so maybe it’s for all the USB/eSATA/ethernet components?

The processor tin was secured with a stick that I’m pretty sure could have patched a leaky dam.

Processor sticker

A dam, I say. This is a full minute’s work with good fingernails.

Open tin

*sound of soda can opening*

The processor went in easy peasy, ushering in a moment of reprieve…

Processor pins

All 942 pins are tiny little spires of silicon cocaine. I mean, that’s what I see. That’s what you see, right?

Thermal paste

Applying the teeny, tiny bit of thermal paste to the processor. I borrowed some aftermarket paste from my bro who just built a box of his own.

Then came the even more unexpectedly hard part: putting the heatsink and fan on. I thought it’d be a simple matter of sitting it on carefully and screwing it in.

I was so wrong.

Happy boy

This is my happy face, but it is also likely the expression the mad scientists at Zalman made when they invented such a byzantine way of securing a heatsink to a motherboard.

After several attempts (and hiring a Voodoo priest), we were able to attach the heatsink securely. The RAM, being the well-behaved child, didn’t give me any trouble, thereby securing its spot as the favorite kid.

Finished motherboard

“Suck it, I’m the favorite.” -RAM
“Yeah, well I’m more expensive.” -CPU
“I’m the best-looking.” -Heatsink/fan
“I’m biggest!” -Motherboard
“Hey, don’t make me come back there, or no one gets ice cream.” -Me

Next in were the power supply and graphics card. They also behaved, so I guess they’re also my favorite children. You can have more than one, right?

Power supply

“Yeah, but I’m still the ‘extreme’ one.”

Graphics card

Not a gamer’s dream, but it renders the $#&! out of Command & Conquer 3 at max settings. Also good for Cycles rendering engine in Blender. It’s somehow even faster at it than the aforementioned 8-core 4GHz processor, or at least was for one project I’ve done so far.

But wait, I have all this nice thermal paste left. What if I were to, say, put it on the graphics card’s GPU?

GPU heatsink removed

Yep, that comes off. Does this void the warranty? Probably.

GPU

The actual GPU: about the size of your thumb’s fingernail. Also pictured: all the hair and dust in my apartment magnetized to it like a cat to its owner when a dog is near.

Believe it or not, the aftermarket thermal paste DID actually decrease the temps by about 5 degrees Celcius. I didn’t test the processor with and without the paste like I did the graphics card, but I assume it produced similar gains over the stock stuff.

Last in were the hard drives. The SSD will handle the Windows and Ubuntu OSs, programs, and certain temp/working files (particularly for After Effects and Premiere).

Samsung 840

SSD: Solid State Domination. Not pictured: old, creaky, 300GB traditional hard drive.

Don’t forget the speakers. These were actually bought from Best Buy, since they were $10 cheaper there. And, you know, it’s right by where I work. I got them like half an hour after ordering them.

Speakers

Does anybody else think of these guys?

Subwoofer

“I just sit under the desk… waiting for my moment…”

With everything installed, it was time to cross my fingers and see if it would turn on.

POST

Yep!

A successful POST! Granted, it took me a few minutes to realize the power supply switch was in the “off” position before this happened, but hey, what’s the Internet for if not editing out the less awesome parts of our life and putting our best selves forth?

I actually copied the contents of the Windows 8 DVD onto a flash drive in advance and installed the whole thing from said flash drive. It actually speeds the process up quite a bit, especially when you, er, forgot where you put the DVD drive.

Windows 8 disc

And mailing the disc here is still faster than downloading the digital version on my Internet connection.

But again, editing! The Windows 8 process was, like the operating itself, markedly different than its predecessors, doing certain things automatically while asking to do certain customizations right off the bat.

Personalize

Remember Windows XP, when there were 3 choices?

Mouse movement

Why don’t you move your mouse into any corner!

And at last, I booted to a fully functional operating system. Some of the new…

Start screen

Behold that which wadded many a panty.

And plenty of the old and familiar…

Desktop

Behold that which some apparently aren’t aware is still a part of Windows 8.

Oh, don’t forget my pal, Ubuntu. GRUB didn’t install at first for whatever reason, but I put on my intimidating voice and it jumped right into action. Nah, I got help. Big thanks to rigved at Ubuntu forums for the answer in this thread.

The finished result is below.

Finished computer

And there was much rejoicing.

And with that, my work is done. Big thanks to Ari, who helped build it like a good nerd wife, and to our cats, who provided needed moral support.

Cats

MORUL SUPORT SHMORAL SUPORT. ALL DIS WURK AN CANT EBEN PLAY WIF DA PEWTER CABULZ.

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